Wow. Lots of relief and gratitude tonight and some guilt for losing my mind a bit over the past week. Between the stress of waiting on news and the frenetic pace of work and everything else have had a few Fred Sanford moments.
Thank you to my wife Sarah for her eternal optimism and love as well as my Mom and Dad who support me in their extraordinary ways…doing for me what I can’t do for myself when in “Fred mode.”
Neither rhyme nor reason to this but Phish’s ‘Reba’ runs through my ears tonight.
Maybe its because there is no “frame it” song that I can recall and I hope the next time we get some rocky news I will be able locate a mental snapshot of Dr. H’s note above.
IMO I am supposed to try to remember these moments. To be dramatic (something I seem to gravitate towards 0-;) memories such as these can be like armor and sword for the next heart attack; as long as I am willing to locate them in the mental view finder and focus. That’s how faith gets built, at least for me, on a foundation of experience.
Its challenging though because there’s probably always going to be that niggling doubt that this time actually is the big one. Yeah-yeah I may have thought so last time, but this time is it. Those previous disasters were mere dry runs.
If I were smart I’d see that every “big one” starts with that same threadbare internal dialogue that its the “real big one.”
Instead, before I know it, I’m right there with Fred hollering, “Hear that Elizabeth I’m coming to join you Honey.”
Anyways, such as it is, we bag it and tag it…and that’s okay tonight.