If you had told me when I was sobering up twenty four years ago, that I could feel good, great, or even euphoric just “being me” I would have laughed in your face. After croaking out a hallow Seth Rogen style laugh, would probably have accused you of suffering from Terminal Cornball Disorder (T.C.D.) and pattered my crazy self away as fast as my crazy paws could pitter. I mean people, as far as I was concerned, didn’t feel good, great or even “euphoric” without extra curricular help. Inconceivable!
Yet the word “euphoric” keeps popping into my head this week. Wikipedia says that euphoria is derived from Greek roots meaning “well” and “to bear.” I read this as “to bear wellness.” I had been thinking about euphoria more as an absence of pain. Yet when I considered the definition and my own ideas further, I realized they were the roughly same thing. I mean pain and sickness are the antithesis or opposite of wellness right? So being well and in a good state of health should be considered – and this made me sit up in my chair – a state euphoria.
Over the last few days I’ve found a few things that have helped tremendously with the ulcers and gastritis (inflamed insides). We’re talking going 3-8 hours without the internal forest fire ablaze in my guts, entire nights spent actually sleeping (what a concept!), and riding to work with the radio off and feeling okay in my own skin. After spending the majority of the last 60 or 90 days living inside the flames, I can tell you that is indeed an apt word for the experience.
This leads me down a philosophical path. Sorry about this. As with anything here, please take it or leave it as you will. But I’m wondering, “Is this meant to be our natural state?” In other words are we born to a state of euphoria? Is it only over time, through bitter experience or heartbreak or sin or ego or whatever-you-want-to-call-it, that we forget how good it feels to just be well and breathing? Having spent weeks in pain I can tell you today that I believe that’s the case. I believe our natural state, if we are well (clearing away accumulated mental, emotional, spiritual, physical junk), is to feel okay or better than okay…you know like euphoric.
Alright so the fact that I realize these things probably means that I need to buy one of those bumper stickers that suggest “miracles happen.” I’ll slap it proudly next to the newly stamped, custom license plate reading, “T.C.D.”
PS. We got our biopsies back from the doctors office today. Great news! Neither the pigmented ulcerous tissue nor the inflamed areas of my stomach are cancerous. This looks like a straight up GI problem. We still need to figure what’s causing the problem, but are relieved and grateful for this news.
P.S.S. If you have gastrointestinal issues and want to trade war stories or solutions let me know. I’ve tried just about everything under the sun and am happy to exchange ideas. Lately what works for me is slippery elm bark and marshmallow root (a revelation, you can google both) and smaller meals of mainly vegetables…I know sounds simply euphoric doesn’t it!