Frame it

Wow. Lots of relief and gratitude tonight and some guilt for losing my mind a bit over the past week. Between the stress of waiting on news and the frenetic pace of work and everything else have had a few Fred Sanford moments.


Thank you to my wife Sarah for her eternal optimism and love as well as my Mom and Dad who support me in their extraordinary ways…doing for me what I can’t do for myself when in “Fred mode.”

Neither rhyme nor reason to this but Phish’s ‘Reba’ runs through my ears tonight.

Maybe its because there is no “frame it” song that I can recall and I hope the next time we get some rocky news I will be able locate a mental snapshot of Dr. H’s note above.

IMO I am supposed to try to remember these moments. To be dramatic (something I seem to gravitate towards 0-;) memories such as these can be like armor and sword for the next heart attack; as long as I am willing to locate them in the mental view finder and focus. That’s how faith gets built, at least for me, on a foundation of experience.

Its challenging though because there’s probably always going to be that niggling doubt that this time actually is the big one. Yeah-yeah I may have thought so last time, but this time is it. Those previous disasters were mere dry runs.

If I were smart I’d see that every “big one” starts with that same threadbare internal dialogue that its the “real big one.”

Instead, before I know it, I’m right there with Fred hollering, “Hear that Elizabeth I’m coming to join you Honey.”

Anyways, such as it is, we bag it and tag it…and that’s okay tonight.



MRI Confirms Sightings!

Just in case you live in a cave and missed the news feeds yesterday, Tumblr and Twitter blowing up, Facebook buzz, or the nationally broadcast public service announcements regarding my recent MRI…

I am pleased to report that after months of conflicting information, rumor mills going bananas, and scandalous-bordering-on-dangerous innuendo, the neurology team at the University of Colorado announced definitively that, indeed, I have a brain. Ha!  Take that you army of sayers of nay and Knights that Say Ni. Score one for the good guys.

This does mean unfortunately – and I’ m so sorry Scarecrow – that I’m gonna have to find another song to sing at work.


In related news, doctors reported this week’s MRI demonstrated stability.  That means no new new cancer and no growth in existing tumors. Meanwhile the radiology team at Memorial Hospital in Colorado Springs reported that the PET/CT scan of my neck, chest and pelvis demonstrated ‘stable to improved.’ This is all good news.  We like good news.  You know good news is good.

Now we have to figure out what is causing the mysterious, seemingly never ending abdominal pain that has been plaguing me for the last few years and has gotten acutely worse of late. Gallstones, pancreatitis, food allergies, stowaway killer bunnies with really sharp teeth or, who knows? Nobody seems to know. On a more positive note, the office of the newly referred specialist will be able to see me sometime in late December, earliest.  Good thing its not indescribably painful.  Phew.

Anyways, THANK YOU to all of you for your continued support, prayers and words of encouragement!  We appreciate it.

…all right Scarecrow buddy, one more time, from the top, for posterity.

‘I could while away the hours, conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain.
And my head I’d be scratchin’ while my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain.
I’d unravel every riddle for any individ’le,
In trouble or in pain.

Oh, I could tell you why The ocean’s near the shore.
I could think of things I never thunk before.
And then I’d sit, and think some more.
I would not be just a nothin’ my head all full of stuffin’
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,
If I only had a brain.’